Quotes:Martin (sitcom)
From Harpo's Juke Joint
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From Beauty and The Beast (1992) Episode 1
- Tommy: But, in there she hurt you bad didn't she?
- Martin: Only because I told her to.
- Martin: I don't even know why you still here, step Gina step...Gina, Gina, Gina!!!
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From The Night He Came Home (1992) Episode 10
- (All the lights have blacked out)
- Martin: Is everybody okay? Gina?
- Gina: Yeah, Martin. I'm fine.
- Pam: Cole...if you don't get your hand off that!
- Cole: I'm sorry. I thought it was the dip.
- Pam: Well it's not!
- Cole: Can I have my cracker back?
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From The Great Payne Robbery (1992) Episode 11
- Martin: Gina, are these your 'B-A-D's?
- Gina: Martin, what are 'B-A-D's?
- Martin: Big-A**-Draws..
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From To Kill A Talking Bird (1993) Episode 36
- Mama Payne: No, you didn't, because Gina, if you killed my bird, I would've took your little apple head and I would have got to slicing. No, you didn't no, you didn't Gina.
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From Fat Like Dat (1993) Episode 37
- Martin: Not my mama biscuits! Not my mama biscuits, Gina!
- Martin: So you all think I'm a punk. You all think i'm soft. Right now, I think you all think I'm acting like a bitch. Beady Bead...You done started something. Flo Jo, kick the music and let's get to steppin.
- Florence: You won't last 5 seconds.
- Martin: Somebody done told you wrong! Kick it.
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From Thanks For Nothing (1993) Episode 40
- Martin: I'm just thankful that there was no bloodshed 'cept for the turkey. (edit)
- Bro Man (about taking Martin's food): It's not for me man, its for yo mama.
- Martin: My Mama?!?!? (gets ready to fight him) My Mama?!?!?!
- Bro Man: Naw, man I mean your real mama, she up at my apartment.
- Martin: What's my mama doing at your apartment?
- Bro Man: Nothin' just chillin'
- Uncle Junior: I got my eye on you.
- Pam: Which one?
- Uncle Junior: What!?! WHAT!?!
(Pam forgot that Uncle Junior is sensitive about his lazy eye)
- Mama Payne (after falling on someone's car): Get outta my way!!! Mama's on the mooooooove!
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From Holiday Blues (1993) Episode 42
- Miss Gerri: Boy, if you don't gimme a piece a dat sammich, I'm a bust you with this bag o'nickels!
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From No Justice No Peace (1994) Episode 43
- Martin: I'd like to call beady-bead, um excuse me...Ms. Pamela James to the stand.
- Martin: Hello, how are you? That's some real natural lookin' hair you got there.
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From Suspicious Minds (1994) Episode 44
- Martin: Gina is that my shirt you got on?
- Gina: Um, yeah, Martin all my clothes are in the wash.
- Martin: Why Gina, I loved you, I would've given you anything. I would've given you hips if I could've Gina.
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From Love Is In Your Face Part 2 (1994) Episode 46
- Elmo: What about that Rupaul? Whooeee! Now that's a whole lotta woman right there. I sho' would like to climb that tree! (Laughs)
(Everyone at the table is looking at each other and trying not to laugh)
- Martin: Well, I don't know if somebody done told him, but you got a branch you got to get around first!
(The whole table, except Elmo, bursts out laughing)
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From Crunchy Drawers (1994) Episode 51
- Martin: Bro'man! It's 3 in the morning! What are you doin' up in here?
- Bro'man: Nothin'... just chillin'. What you doin' up? I usually have the place to myself 'round this hour.
- Martin: I keep having these nightmares. You ever have them?
- Bro'man: Yeah. I had a dream one time. I was climbin' this fire escape, and I couldn't make it to the top. So I climbed through the window of this fly-ass crib! With a big see-thru 'fridgerater. It was full a sammiches! But..., but... I couldn't open the door, Martin! So I just stood there and cried man. Oh yeah! Bro'man cried.
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From No Love Lost (1994) Episode 52
- (Bro'man pulls out a bottle of hot sauce and pours it in the gumbo)
- Cole: Uh, Bro'man check this out. I've been meaning to ask you something. How come you never use the front door?
- Bro'man: Cause that aint the way I roll. Sometimes a Brother got to do what a Brother got to do.
(Bro'man fishes out a crab leg, drops it in his bowl, then heads out the window) (edit)
- Cole: What's up, Bro'man?'
- Bro'man: Nothin,' just chillin'... Heard it through the grapevine y'all had some Gumbo up in here. So I just came by to hook me up a bowl.
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From Feast Or Famine (1994) Episode 65
- Pam: Hold, up now! We ain't the only ones foul around here! Because I ain't never seen a turkey with one, two, THREE LEGS!!!!
- Martin: Uh...Lemme see...uh...now one, two, three.
- Pam: Mm-hmm.
- Martin: Well, Pam you got one, two, three, fo' legs but I don't here nobody complainin'.
- Martin (After Bro' Man finishes taking the rest of Thanksgiving Dinner): Bro' Man! No you did not eat up all the Thanksgiving Dinner!
- Bro' Man: It was all good. 'cept dem raggedy-a** peas.
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From Aint Nuttin Goin On But The Rent (1995) Episode 70
- Cole (thinking): Look at Tommy, bald head lookin' like a big ol' milk dud. He better not go to sleep or I'ma get my grub on.
- Martin (After Gina suggests to get a pizza): Man, please, Gina! Can't none of us make it out there in this blizzard. And the only one who can is the Abominable Snow-Pam.
- Pam: Why don't you go, Martin. I mean we can just get a rubber band and fling yo' little a** over there!
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From Three Homies and a Baby (1995) Episode 92
- Pam: Hi, Good morning. You look terrible as usual.
- Martin: How come I just woke up, but you're the one with the morning breath. (edit)
- Pam: Sheneneh, has it ever occurred to you to mind your own business.
- Sheneneh: And has it ever occurred to you that I will scatter your crooked teeth all up and down this hallway
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From The Bodyguard (1995) Episode 95
- Otis: You just committed a 5 to 10!
- Crook: What's that?
- Otis: I'm about to whoop your ass for about 5 to 10 minutes!
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From Is You Is Or Is You Aint (1995) Episode 109
- Tommy: Why don't you take a home pregnancy test?
- Martin: Now you thinkin', Dome Thugs N' Harmony!
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From Waiting Debating and Ovulating (1995) Episode 119
- Martin: Damn, this pregnancy test so old it got a picture of Harriet Tubman on it. (edit)
- Ms. Gerry: I'm not too old to get my freak on!
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Various Quotes
- Tommy: Cole... you stupid.
- Pam: This is great. This is really, really, great. I fly all the way here with Harold Muppet and the Blue Notes, and I still can't get out of this marriage.
- Tommy: Sheneneh, you say you're a Christian woman... yet you sit here and you lie to these people. Now you better tell 'em the truth and tell them now!
- Sheneneh: Oh, my goodness! Somebody get me the witness protection program!
- Martin: Pam, do you prefer to be called "Ms. or Mr."?
- Pam: Do you prefer "Jack" or "a**"?
- Martin: Darn it, Tommy! We don't need umbilical cords! This is TV!
- Valentino: I told you, you could super-size it!
- Sheneneh: I told you!... I'm a lady, and you don't disrespect no lady! You better watch your
back!
- Valentino: Sheneneh, I can't buy nothin' with $5!
- Sheneneh: You can buy a one-way ticket to get the hell outta' my face!
- Cole: Rent-A-Spoons!
- Cole: I'll see you in Hell, Martin!
- Martin: Yeah, you'll be the only one down there still living with your mother!
- Martin: Pam, your hair is so nappy Wilson couldn't pick it!
- Martin: Brother Man, whatcha doin' here, man?
- Brother Man: Nothin'
[pause]
- Brother Man: just chillin'.
- Martin: Stanks a lot, Pam.
- Tommy: My mama always told me, if she can't use your comb, don't bring her home!
- Cole: Tommy, you dated a white girl in college!
- Tommy: Oh, no, she wasn't white! She was French!
- Mama Payne: Every move you make, every breath
[sniffs]
- Mama Payne: you take... I'll be watching you!
- Mama Payne: Yo' applehead stole my boy!
- Rev. Love: If I was still living that foul life, I'll get Franklins, but I'm not!
- Laquita: (singing) Laquita Lumpkins an' her homegirl Sheneneh in da hizz-ouse! Hey!
- Gina: Struck by lightning, stay away from me!
- Martin: The Lord know I just be playin' around!
- Martin: Cole! no you are NOT cuttin' yo' crusty-ass toenails up in here!
- Martin: Bro'man! it's 3 in the morning! What are you doin' up in here?
- Martin: I keep having these nightmares. You ever have them?
- Brother Man: Yeah. I had a dream one time. I was climbin' this fire escape, and I couldn't make it to the top. So I climbed through the window of this fly ass crib!. With a big see-thru 'fridgerater. It was full of sammiches! But... , but... I couldn't open the door Martin! So I just stood there and cried man. Oh yeah! Bro'man cried.
- Martin: WAZZUP!
- Jerome: [singing] Uh-uh! Uh-uh-uh! I say Jerome's in da house! I say Jerome's in da hou-oo-ah-oo - In da house!
- Pam: Martin was the one who said Cole was a virgin until he was 23!
- Cole: He said the stew was so bad, the homeless give it back!
- Martin: I love the stew, baby! It looked like Alpo, but I loved it!
- Mrs. Trinidad: Martin, don't fight this! Don't you want me?
- Gina: No, b*!@#, I want you!
- Gina: Where are they going to get married?
- Shanise: At a church, Gina. Duh!
- Martin: Cole, the next time you think about getting another place, I don't wanna hear about it. Don't even call me!
- Tommy: Cole.
- Cole: Yes?
- Tommy: I want you to testify for me.
[Cole and Shanise carry on as if they were in church]
- Tommy: I'm talkin' 'bout testifyin' in court, Cole!
- Martin: Cole, I got four words to say to you - Un, em, ploy, ment!
- Gina: If you don't get yo' Smokey-the-Bear, corny-joke tellin' behind out there, *you* are goin' to need a search party! That's the oath!
- Martin: Pam, is that your breath smellin' like boiled bologna?
- Pam: No, that's yo' feet eatin' through those shoes again.
- Martin: You ain't GOT no job, man!
- Cole: That's because you don't have an IQ of 31 like me.
- Shanise: Don't you mean 13?
- Pam: I heard that, Ashford and Shrimpson!
[leaving a message]
- Cole: Mom, I don't like it here. I wanna come home and my place is wack! See you later. Oh, and by the way, this is your son, Cole.
- [Gary Coleman guest stars as "Maddog"]
- Maddog: Let me tell you, I'm gonna start making money the right way. I'm a florist now.
- Martin: What'chu talkin' 'bout, Maddog?
- Mama Payne: Oh don't play dumb with me Gina! You know damn well what this is about! You got too much head to be stupid! You didn't even invite me to the wedding! I'm still pissed about that... Thin Thighs!
- Martin: When you're with Pam, read the signs. When you feed bears, they follow ya home!
- Gina: There's nothing wrong with my head, Martin! There's nothing wrong with my head!
- Martin: Cole, do me a favor. Remind me to give you an ass-whoopin' tomorrow.
- Cole: [pulls out pen & pad] What time is good for you?
- Martin: Ummm... how 'bout 6:43?
- Cole: I'm busy at 6:43... but I'm free at 6:44 though.
- Martin: Oh, alright. Then at 6:44, I'ma be waitin' on that ass-whoopin'.
- [At haunted house, a howling sound is made from the background]
- Martin: That's just Pam, letting us know she's alright.
- [Martin has insulted Pam during a toast to her marriage]
- Gina: Martin, stop it!
- Pam: Nah, nah, it's ok Gina. I mean, Martin did climb all the way down from that wedding cake to make this toast.
- Martin: Tommy, it's all good. If you like her, then we like her. It don't matter what color she is. I don't care if she's black, white, green, or whatever.
- Cole: [laughing] Martin, c'mon now! You know you'd be trippin' if Tommy was dating a green girl.
- Martin: [about Cole's lousy new apartment] Cole, c'mon now! This place is so small, that you gotta go outside to change your mind!
- Cole: See you later, Pam... my little chocolate ho-ho.
- Pam: [offended] What did you call me?
- Tommy: He meant "ring ding"... like the cupcake.
- Sheneneh: [shouting] Is that your wife, or is your dog walking backwards?
- [Two midgets want Tommy to step outside with them in regards to some beef]
- Martin: [ready to rumble] Tommy, you alright? Want me to come with you?
- Tommy: Martin, c'mon now! I can handle this on my own. I mean, what they gonna do? Untie my shoes?
- [laughs hysterically]
- Brother Man: I'm Bruh-Man.
- [holds up four fingers]
- Brother Man: From the fifth flo'
- Martin: You know im sensitive about my job, you didnt have to go there.
- Pam: you know im sensative about my buck shots you idnt have to go there.
- Martin: theres a difference, a good job is hard to come by,but they got dark and lovely on damn near every corner you pass.
- Sheneneh: Kid, can you kiss me like you did that light-skinned girl in House Party?
